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The boys and I went to see The Pirate Who Don’t Do Anything Sunday afternoon. We tried to go one night last week, but our theater is only showing it on the weekends and only in the afternoon. I was not really looking forward to this movie because I did not enjoy Veggie Tales Jonah movie that much. But this one was much better.
While not a Bible story, it is full of Christian themes. While the king is away for awhile, the bad guy tries to get to the king through his children, the prince and princess, who have been left to rule while their father’s away. (Sound familiar to anyone? It’s the bigger story we’re living in.) Three of the main characters who are far from being heroes are forced by circumstances to rise to the occasion to help save the princess and rescue her brother. They demonstrate that even ordinary people can be heroes too. It’s chock full of silly Veggie Tales humor that even had me laughing out loud at times.
The kids loved it! It was almost as fun to watch their reactions, especially the four-year-old, as it was to watch the movie!
This video is of Rick Burgess of the “Rick and Bubba Show” speaking at his two-year-old son’s memorial service this week. Bronner Burgess drowned in the family’s swimming pool last Saturday. This is an amazing and inspiring talk. If you watch all three parts it will take about 30 minutes, but it is well worth your time no matter how busy you think you are. Please remember to pray for this family.
Something I’ve been pondering the past two weeks is the question: why do I have such a deep desire to share myself with others? I’ve decided that one of the main reasons is that I think differently than most people. Much of the time I feel like a complete weirdo. I was so excited when I began reading Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction by David G. Benner. Here’s the first three sentences of Chapter 1:
I have always enjoyed travel. Intellectually and spiritually I have also always been on a quest–always restless and always seeking. While recently reading a book about spiritual styles, I was struck to see that it described people within the contemplative style (which fits me pretty well) as on an endless spiritual pilgrimage.
My reaction when I read that was, “OH…MY…GOD! There is someone else like me in the world!” Just those few sentences describe me exactly.
My husband sometimes asks me, “Are you ever going to be satisfied?” The answer is “no”. I am on a journey where there is not a time when I’ve arrived until the other side of eternity. I’m always seeking ways to be a better person and ways to make the world a better place. I do not know how to be another way. And I’m beginning to embrace that. I’ll admit that my attempts used to have some connection to a feeling of guilt due in large part to my religious background, but now it’s just out of gratitude and my belief that it’s the best way possible to live! It comes from a place of such freedom!
The other question Tommy asks me is, “Do you ever stop thinking?” The answer to that is also “no”. For a while we had a cartoon posted on our refrigerator where a husband asks a wife, “What are you thinking about?” She responds with a dozen different things, and then asks him what he’s thinking about. He responds, “Pie.” So this has become a joke between us. Whenever I ask Tommy about what’s been going on with him, he sometimes responds, “Pie.” I have come to accept that he doesn’t always think as deeply as I do although he does at times. And he’s beginning to learn that I just want to know what’s going on with him even if it’s as insignificant as “pie”. I do think this is somewhat of a male/female difference because I have girlfriends who have expressed that they are constantly thinking.
For so many years I never understood why I always seem to be thinking about the greater issues of life when my friends seem to be mostly occupied with decorating their homes, shopping, where to put their kids in school, and just all of the little things that make up life. And hear me say LOUDLY that it is not wrong to think about these things. I’m just saying that I’m different. I cannot help but be concerned about the bigger problems of the world and what I can do to change them. That is one of the reasons that I choose to homeschool my children besides the fact that I love spending every day with them–I feel a calling to intentionally raise children who will make a difference in the world.
I have experienced so many times of frustration with the way that I am. I have just cried out to God at times asking, “Why did you make me this way? Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just think about normal things?”
But 2007 was a significant year in my life–one of the most significant thus far. One of the biggest jumps has been learning to embrace the way that I’m created. I may think differently from many people, but God made me this way. And He made me this way for a reason. He has a purpose for me. So I’ve been learning the difficult process of trusting my intuition and my feelings and God’s Spirit living inside me and letting them take me wherever God wants to lead me. And He’s taken me to some amazing places so far!
Years ago I read a quote from Sara Groves’ bio page which I wrote in my journal. I have referred back to it many times just for some reassurance. This quote just struck me in the same way as the excerpt above from Benner’s book–there’s someone else who thinks the way I do.
While she may occasionally wish for an easier road, a sunnier path or at least weaker eyes that didn’t see in such detail the darker side of this life, in the end, she knows she’s right where she belongs. “I can’t help myself. I have to follow Christ everyday. I’ve tried to walk away and I’ve tried to shake this whole thing off. I’d love to not know about the battle between good and evil, but at the end of the day, I’m marked. I’m His and I’m compelled to do the right thing. Realizing that is a tremendous freedom for me.”
I guess that’s where I am right now–the realizing part–because I am experiencing a freedom I’ve never known before. And it’s an amazing feeling!
So why do I feel the need to share myself with others? Because I feel so different from everyone else, I have a longing for a place where I can share myself and be accepted for who I am. I don’t need someone to try to change me or to tell me how to make my life easier. I need a place of complete acceptance that this is the path God has laid out for me. This is the way He created me. While the struggles I experience may seem harder that most people experience, they are such a tremendous blessing and have made me who I am and I would not trade them for anything! So I just need what I believe everyone deep down longs for–a place where we are loved and accepted for exactly who we are.
So to all you folks of the contemplative spiritual style out there–you know who you are–come out! We are few and far between it seems, and we need to stick together. And here’s a song just for you. I have decided that this should be the theme song of my life. It sounds kind of depressing, and sometimes I am sad and frustrated when I sing it. But then there are many times when I can sing it with joy that I am not like the rest and there’s a purpose in that!
Like a square peg in a round hole
I can’t seem to fit their mold
And make my way past the entrance
I’ve had my turn to play
But never understood their game
And much less how someone wins it
Always looking in
Never seem to fit
But you’ve been there before
Do you have a place
For losers in this race
Cause I can’t run it anymore
It is said that the rain will fall
Equally upon us all
And there is no rhyme or reason
Still I find myself surprised
When it seems like its my time
To walk in that rainy season
Always looking in
Never seem to fit
But you’ve been there before
Do you have a place
For losers in this race
Cause I can’t run it anymore
Nothing has turned out as planned
And all I have left is to throw up my hands
You never led me the safe way
And this time’s no different
I’ll walk it again, again
Like a square peg in a round hole
I will never fit that mold
So why even try
Why even try
Always looking in
Never seem to fit
But you’ve been there before
Do you have a place
For losers in this race
Cause I can’t run it anymore
Sorry, Donna, and all you other lyrically challenged people, I couldn’t find a video anywhere. And also sorry that I couldn’t space the lyrics where they are easier to read–I just about went crazy trying. Get me off this crazy thing called WordPress!
That’s my baby girl! No we haven’t adopted yet. Last week someone commented on my post last year about my Christmas present–basset hound puppies, so I decided to give an update on my babies. Besides I need to post about something lighter today. That’s Phoebe on Christmas day. She’s my sweetheart. She’s much prettier than Shadow–that’s just not a very good photo of her.
It is so neat to have a girl and a boy. There is such a difference in their personalities. First of all, Shadow, the boy, is as dumb as a brick. Although he’s not very smart, he will do anything for a treat. I think he would run off a cliff if he thought he’d get a treat. Phoebe’s much calmer and therefore much more fun to be around. She’s also more social. Phoebe has been dying to get near our cats, but she’s smart about it . And she doesn’t want to eat them; she just wants to get to know them. So whenever she sees one in a room, she watches it a few minutes and then she slowly walks toward the cat. That’s usually when Shadow suddenly notices there’s a cat in the room and shoots toward it like a bullet. So much for getting to know the cats, Phoebe.
Taking them for a walk is another experience which greatly demonstrates Phoebe’s superior intelligence. Phoebe trots pleasantly along beside me. Shadow, on the other hand, cannot seem to control himself. He must follow every impulse, which means in dog language chase every smell, even though he is reminded every two seconds by the leash choking him that he cannot run more than five feet away. Still he is never deterred. He immediately chases after the next scent that comes his way. He just generally seems much more impulse oriented than Phoebe. I’ve wondered how this translates into male/female differences in humans.
I love both of my dogs though despite their differences. They drive my husband crazy at times, but I tell him that he has to put up with them because often the highlight of my day is relaxing on my bed with them beside me. (He HATES having them on the bed, but he puts up with it because he loves me so much.) The best thing about the dogs is that they are always excited to see me no matter what kind of mood I’m in, no matter how much I’ve neglected spending time with them, and even if I’ve just yelled at them or spanked them for chewing up another stuffed animal or pencil.
I’ve been thinking some lately about unconditional love. I’ve decided that the closest thing to unconditional love on earth is possibly the love of a parent for a child. But even then we have certain expectations and desires for our children. Maybe the closest thing to unconditional love we will ever experience here is that of our dogs.
Here’s Shadow. I still love him even though he’s obnoxious much of the time.
Love Without Boundaries won Facebook’s award for the charity with the most donors today, so they will receive another $1000. They also have won $1000 for having the most donors on December 28, 29, 30, and 31 and January 2, 3, and 9! They are in the number one spot for the $50,000 prize given to the charity with the most donors by Feb. 1st. Thanks so much to everyone who has donated!
The following is from Love Without Boundaries blog for yesterday:
“The day our lives begin to end is the day we remain silent about things that matter.”–Martin Luther King,Jr.
It sure is easier to remain silent, isn’t it? It sure is easier to live in our comfortable homes and think that the most important issue of the day is where we want to go out to eat that night or whether we can get our kids to soccer practice on time. It sure is easy to not think outside our own little space. Does it matter that millions of children around the world live every single day without a mother or father to care for them? Does it matter that so many orphaned children with medical needs don’t have access to the healthcare that could improve their lives? Does it matter that many are unable to go to public school? Or that they go to bed each night feeling that their special need might define them for the rest of their lives? I think those who love children would say it matters greatly.
Today is the day to donate $10 to Love Without Boundaries. It just needs to be before noon tomorrow. See my post below for more info.
Here’s a poem I found today:
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
That is translated through you into action,
And because there is only one of you in all time,
This expression is unique.
And if you block it,
It will never exist through any other medium
And be lost.
The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is:
Nor how valuable it is: nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly,
To keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly
To the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open.
No artist is ever pleased
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer, divine satisfaction,
A blessed unrest that keeps us marching
And makes us more alive than the others.
- Martha Graham
The poem is speaking of many different ways we offer what we have, but I think that it applies to sharing pieces of our lives verbally. We’ve discussed many reasons people are afraid to be vulnerable with others. Do you think another reason is that many do not believe that they have anything to offer?
I’m going to share another song. Music is a very valuable part of my life. It helps me stay focused on what’s really important throughout the day, like when I’m fixing supper or in the middle of another activity and do not have a hand to flip through a Bible. Also, there are many great Christian artists out there who are not afraid to reveal deep parts of themselves through their music. That’s why so many people identify with music–they can hear someone sing about an experience good or bad and think “Hey, I’ve felt that same way.” Also, it illustrates how much we can learn from each other by sharing what God is teaching us. Jill Phillips is one of those artists who I’ve come to think highly of.
Here’s a song my family heard her perform at Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God tour in December(here’s a link to my belated post about that):
Working hard to tie up the lose ends
So hard to decide who you let in
Put your best foot forward with a grin
I can see the fear behind your eyes
Wondering if someone will recognize
You’ve grown tired of keeping up the lies
Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else, well
Nobody’s got it all together
I have seen the darkness of my heart
And found a love that’s shown me it’s too hard
To walk through life and not let down my guard
What good is it to say “Please Savior come”
If there is nothing you need rescue from
Life is something no one has a corner on
Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else, well
Nobody’s got it all together
When the parts that are self-righteous
Start to disappear
Every other life is
Just another mirror
Life is way too short to run and hide
Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else, well
Nobody’s got it all together
This songs raises some really hard questions. I’m a little scared to go there, but, what the heck, I’ll just plow on ahead! Amy asked the question in her comments on my first post– is there a relationship between the extent of our openness with others and the extent that we are open and honest with God? It’s a good question and something to spend some time thinking about. What do you think?
For those who don’t read lyrics. Here is a video of the song. (added by ‘the artist formerly known as Tommy’)
I posted a while back here about the charity Love Without Boundaries. Here’s an excerpt straight from their blog:
With the Facebook challenge ending on Feb 1, our Director of Operations, Sheri Russon, came up with the perfect way to encourage our friends and family to help with the Facebook Challenge:
$10 can save 10 lives.
It really is that simple. A $10 donation can in turn allow us to finish the Facebook Challenge in first place, and can allow us to use the $50,000 prize to SAVE THE LIVES of ten innocent babies born with heart disease who are struggling to survive.
Please tell your friends and family about this wonderful opportunity in front of us. I just can’t even begin to tell you the deep sadness that each of us at LWB feels every time we are given the news that an orphaned child’s heart has stopped beating for the last time. We have cried so many tears knowing we were too late, and even more knowing that a child died as an orphan. It is so horrible to know a child has died alone……without having a mom or dad to hold them when they are 
hurting or afraid.
Love Without Boundaries has also set January 22/23 as fund-raising days to try to complete raising the funds for Baby Yang to have heart surgery. This is an easy way to turn a simple $10 donation into a whole lot more. I’m urging everyone to try to go to the link at Facebook to donate $10 on one of those days.
I just spent an amazing weekend at Angie’s. That’s where I go to get away and renew. We spent the weekend very simply, but it is the little things during a time like this that makes me feel more alive. Little things like great conversations about what God has been doing–the good, the bad, and the ugly–with no judgement whatsoever only love and complete acceptance, having the longest and best belly laugh I’ve had in while, learning beginning bellydancing with Angie and Lisa complete with bellydancing scarves (sooooo fun!!), discovering a red wine I can actually drink, watching great movies together, sharing great conversation over soup and salad. So here’s to finding joy in the small moments and to feeling more and more alive everyday!
I want to link to my friend Paul’s site. He’s writing his thoughts on this conversation over there, and it’s a pretty good read.
“True compassion leads to sharing another’s pain, it does not kill the person whose suffering we cannot bear.” –Pope John Paul II
I stumbled across the above quote and think it goes along nicely with this topic.
Angie and I had some great conversations about the topic of spiritual friendship and spiritual direction. She gave me two things to read on the topic. One night I read the preface to the book Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction by David G. Benner, and I was so excited that I could hardly sleep even though it was 1am. It was just so comforting to read something by a real person saying that my longings are real and valid. The author is a psychologist, spiritual director, and retreat leader. It starts:
Of all the social changes in the last several decades, nothing has surprised me more than the recent rise of interest in spirituality. For many in Western societies, a hunger for the sacred has emerged out of the bankruptcy of materialism and secularism. And for many in the church, a longing for a deep encounter with God has arisen out of the arid soil of knowing about God but having little personal, experiential knowing of him.
Then later, he says:
Lunch hours in the public mental health clinic where I work used to be filled with the usual topics of conversation–gossip, weekend activities and plans, sports and entertainment. Now the number-one topic is often spirituality. (The number two remains clinic gossip!) People seem to be bursting to tell anyone who will listen about their spiritual quest. They long to share their journey with others. They want people who not only will listen to them but can relate to their story because they are on a spiritual journey of their own.
Spirituality means different things to these people. But a common component of those diverse meanings is the notion of being connected. These people all long to be connected–to God(however he/she/it is understood), to others, to themselves and often to the earth.
The hunger for connection is one of the most fundamental desires of the human heart. We are like immigrants in a new land, with no family or friends and no sense of place. We seem to have lost our mooring. Or perhaps we have lost some part of ourselves. Like pieces of a puzzle seeking their adjoining pieces, we long for connections that will assure us that we belong.
But it is not just connections in general that we seek. In the core of our being we yearn for intimacy. We want people to share our lives. We want soul friends. We were never intended to make the life pilgrimage alone. And attempting to make the spiritual journey on our own is particulaly hazardous.
Paradoxically, however, what we most deeply long for we also fear. How else can we explain our reluctance to be genuinely known by those with whom we are most intimate? Often it seems that what we want is the fruit of companionship without the demands of genuine intimacy. Yet something within us remains dissatisfied with the safe but superficial relationships we experience. Our souls ache for a place of deep encounter with others. Our fears may partially mask this ache, but it won’t go away. We want companions for the journey,companions with whom we can share our soul and our journey.
I took a break from blogging/e-mailing for most of the day yesterday because I am truly being overwhelmed by the number of responses and the intensity with which this subject has hit so many people. Plus, it’s kind of a busy week around here. So I just needed to unplug for a bit.
I’m really impressed with those of you who do this all the time. It truly is an overwhelming thing to deal with daily blogposts and responses. But I am going to push on til the end because I really am enjoying everyone’s thoughts. And I really do want to understand this whole thing better.
So for today, I want to clarify a few things. I did use the example of how people act at church in the first post implying that I think everyone should be real all the time in all situations no matter how public. That is not what I intended to say. I used the example of church because it is the most familiar to me, and I do think that it should be a place where we should be able to say in response to “how are you?”, “Well, I’m not so good today. I sure could use some prayer.” If someone presses you to share more, it’s certainly your decision whether or not this is someone you feel comfortable opening up with. On the flip side, I also think we should be able to say, “I’m doing great. Let me tell you what God’s been doing in me,” without it being seen as arrogance.
I’m also going to try to be clearer about not referring to church as the event where we worship on Sundays. I believe the definition of church is the people who make up the body of Christ. I have heard the term used the other way for so much of my life that it’s hard for me to quit using it that way as well, so I tend to use it interchangeably. But I’m going to try to only use the word “church” to refer to it’s true meaning.
Another subject I want to address that Amy brought up in yesterday’s comments is the fact that we are all created differently. Some of us just do not feel the need to share deeply with anyone. I do not want to imply that it is wrong to be that way. However, I have found by the overwhelming response I’ve received this week that there are many, many people out there looking for close relationships and not finding them.
Another common theme among the responses I’ve received is how so many people have experienced hurt the times that they have opened up. Everything from something being told in confidence making the gossip chain to people quickly being shut down by Christian cliches, such as “True Christians do not have those kinds of problems.” This infuriates me and breaks my heart at the same time. Gossip is a disease, and we are the only ones who can choose to stop it. The many cliched responses used to shut anyone down who shares in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable are just wrong in my opinion and have no place among God’s people.
One other thing I need to clarify. God is the only One who is able to meet all of our deepest needs and longings. We cannot expect every need to be met by people because people are imperfect and will always let you down eventually. I would encourage everyone to turn to God FIRST with every care, worry, concern. He cares deeply about even the smallest events in our lives. He always has time to listen and is always waiting, even longing, to hear from us. I did not say this starting out. I just assumed it was a given. I guess I needed to.
Along that line, I will share an example of how God has taught me to turn to Him first. I have struggled in the past with immediately calling a friend whenever I’m stressed or upset. I am blessed to have two dear people I can call about pretty much anything, but sadly, neither of them live close. One is my dear sister Christy, and one is a dear friend of 20 years this year, Angie. (Sorry, Angie, I’m being revealing about our age.) Both of these people have proven themselves trustworthy over the years and I know that each of them are striving to follow God and will give me insight from that perspective as well as just helping me to see things from a different viewpoint. Sometimes I would even go down my list of friends to call because I do have other friends I can call if I don’t get Christy or Angie. Strangely enough, there began to be times when I would go down my list and no one would be available to talk. So I finally GOT IT–that God wants me to turn to Him first. So know whenever I’m upset and I think, “I need to call…”, it’s a cue to talk to God. Then there have been other times when I was so low I couldn’t even make the effort to call anyone, and God had them call me. He’s so awesome!!
Having said all of that, I think that we can agree on several things:
1. God is the only one who can meet every need.
2. There are many people out there looking for and even longing for deeper relationships but not finding them.
3. The people to whom we reveal the deepest parts of ourselves should be chosen with care and wisdom.
4. Deep sharing works best one-on-one or in a small group(and by small, I mean tiny, probably less than 8 people, and that may still be too big).
5. One other thing discussed in the comments which I believe to be true, sharing parts of ourselves encourages others to be courageous enough to do the same.
To everyone who commented or e-mailed, thanks so much for the great thoughts yesterday! So much good stuff to think about!
Now some more thoughts on being real:
A friend of mine has shared that he feels alone sometimes even in a crowd. Another friend has shared with me that even when she’s in a group of friends she feels like no one really wants her there. I have heard others express similar feelings. These are Christians, by the way, who have many Christian friends. What’s the deal with this? Why is this such a common feeling? And why are we afraid to talk about it? As I mentioned in the first post, this is another one of those times where Satan’s power to make us feel isolated could be diminished if we would talk about these feelings.
Several of you in your comments yesterday referred to the fear of other’s reactions as the reason that we are afraid to be vulnerable. Should not those of us who are Christians be able to provide a place of acceptance so that we are not so afraid of revealing ourselves? And Angie had a great comment on our first reactions to people when they do share their hearts and lives with us. I can’t put it any better than you did, Angie, so here it is:
Think about shifting our first response… Instead of a bullet list of things to do to make it all better, what if our first response to people was always full acceptance, arms open wide and full of love… hearts willing to fight for each other in prayer and trusting that God will make a way for this person (so I don’t have to!).
Of course, there are newborn Christians among us who may not know how to handle someone who is opening up their lives and revealing things that are hard to handle, but I know many, many folks who have been following Christ for years and, I believe, at this point should be able to handle whatever a person brings to them in the way Angie described above. Am I expecting too much?
Another thing I’ve noticed relating to this topic is that we’re drawn to people who are real. We like speakers and writers who are honest about their shortcomings. We long for truth and truthfulness.
This makes me think of the minister of the church where I worship. He is such an awesome speaker. His messages are very Biblical and very relevant. I think one of the reasons that he is such an effective speaker is because he is honest and down-to-earth about his own personal struggles. This past Sunday he shared about a time recently when he had a day off with nothing to do. He was feeling bored and lonely. So in his struggle to find some way to satisfy these feelings, he decides what he needs to do to make himself feel better is to go to Wal-Mart (that’s as good as it gets in this small town!). Even though he doesn’t need anything, he spends and hour and a half in Wal-Mart and buys several things just to have something to do. How simple that story is but how many of us can relate to that? Being bored? Feeling lonely? Buying things to make us feel better?
I believe many of us have a feeling deep down that we have to hide our true selves. We believe “If they see the real me, they will not like me” or even worse “they will be horrified or disgusted”. Then they will leave, and I will be alone. This feeling many of us possess is the complete opposite of what I believe to be a truth–that we are drawn to someone who is true and real and honest enough to bare their soul. On the rare occasions that I have found someone willing to share a part of their hearts with me (and, yes, occasionally even some of my friends who I’m being so hard on do give me a quick glimpse of their true selves), the experience is so refreshing and encouraging to me. Instead of thinking worse of that person, I have a deeper respect for them, and I trust them more.
I was recently in a small group setting where there was a person who was there for the first time. He was completely open about what had been going on in his life. It was so refreshing to me. I cannot help but love someone who’s willing to be that vulnerable! But he is a new Christian and doesn’t yet know that we aren’t really supposed to share all of that stuff. 
Most of you who know me know that I’m a huge Sara Groves fan. She has a song on her newest cd called Honesty. Here are the lyrics:
here in the stillness
where thoughts are born
here in our frailty we’re tattered and torn
tattered and torn
here in confession
here in our mess
here in the places we’re mostly undressed
mostly
oh honesty
oh honesty
the truth be told
for the saving of our souls
here in the corner
where we craft our pain
here in the open we’re laying our blame
laying our blame
here in the hallway
here behind doors
here in the places we wage our private wars
wage our private wars
oh honesty
oh honesty
the truth be told
for the saving of our souls
only the truth and truthfulness can save us now
only the truth and truthfulness can save us
only the truth and truthfulness can save us
can save us now
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