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I’ve been in the midst of a faith struggle lately(which is basically another way of saying I’ve been really pissed off at God). This has probably been triggered by a number of things, but the two main ones are a failed adoption we’ve recently experienced and some recurring physical struggles which have affected my ability to function at the level I would like to.
I have not wanted to really spend time praying or in the the Word for several weeks. I have had an ongoing dialogue with God alternating between begging for help/relief and questioning why life has to be so hard. And questioning whether this life I’ve chosen(following Him) is worth it.
This morning God awakened me at 5:30am with a deep desire to get up and spend time praying for a dear aunt who was to have surgery this morning. And the following is what I heard in the midst of a precious time with my Lord and my God. I was asking Him about why life FEELS so hard now even though I know we’ve ultimately won the victory.
Me: “Why does it feel like defeat so much of the time now?”
God: “Because you’re not listening to your deepest and truest heart.”
Me: “How do I do that?”
God: “By spending time with me.”
There was more, but this was the most significant for me. To read more on living from your new and good heart, you can go to Ransomed Heart. Also, John Eldredge has a new book coming out this month called Walking with God. I’ve read some excerpts, and it is REALLY GOOD.
I didn’t intend this to be an advertisement for Ransomed Heart. It’s just that their message, which I believe is the true gospel(not the screwed-up, distorted version we get most of the time), has transformed the way I live. And it helps explain some of the language in my conversation with God above.
I love this quote I read at God’s Politics.
What shalt thou do? … Do good. Do all the good thou canst. Let thy plenty supply thy neighbor’s wants; and thou wilt never want something to do. Canst thou find none that need the necessaries of life, that are pinched with cold or hunger; none that have not raiment to put on, or a place where to lay their head; none that are wasted with pining sickness; none that are languishing in prison? If you duly considered our Lord’s words, “The poor have you always with you,” you would no more ask, “What shall I do?”
John Wesley
“On Worldly Folly”
If you only read one book in your life you must read The Shack by William P. Young. I’ve thought a lot about this. I almost said that you should read the Bible and then The Shack, but unfortunately Christians have ruined the Bible for too many people by presenting a distorted picture of the truth of scripture. The Shack is one of the most profound, life-changing, brilliantly-written books that I’ve ever read. I do not believe that you can read it without being changed. I do not want to give anything away for those of you who have not read it, but it will challenge any views that you have of God and will present you with the kind of god you would wish for in your wildest dreams of the perfect god. And I believe that it portrays the truth of who God really is, and this truth is far from the way most Christians see him. And, honestly, it’s just written by a man, so God is probably even better than anything one of us could imagine!
Here are some of the endorsements from others:
“If God is all powerful and full of love, why doesn’t He do something about the pain and evil in our world? This book answers that age old question with startling creativity and staggering clarity. By far one of the best books I have ever read.” James Ryle, author Hippo in the Garden
“The Shack is a one of a kind invitation to journey to the very heart of God. Through my tears and cheers, I have been indeed transformed by the tender mercy with which William Paul Young opened the veil that too often separated me from God and from myself. With every page, the complicated do’s and don’t that distort a relationship into a religion were washed away as I understood Father, Son, and Holy Ghost for the first time in my life.” Patrick M. Roddy, Emmy Award Winning Producer of ABC News
“Don’t miss this! If there’s a better book out there capturing god’s engaging nature and his ability to crawl into our darkest nightmare with his love, light and healing, I’ve not seen it. For the most ardent believer or newest spiritual seeker, the shack is a must-read.” Wayne Jacobsen, author of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore
“An exceptional piece of writing that ushers you directly into the heart and nature of god in the midst of agonizing human suffering. This amazing story will challenge you to consider the person and the plan of god in more expansive terms than you may have ever dreamed.” David Gregory, author of Dinner with a Perfect Stranger
“This book goes beyond being the well written suspenseful page-turner that it is. Since the death of our son Jason the lord has led us to a small number of life-changing books and this one heads the list. When you close the back cover you will be changed.” Dale Lang (rockcanada.org), father of student killed in Columbine copycat shooting
Too much going on here to write lately, but I received this in one of my adoption e-mail groups. I love it!
You Know You’re An Adoptive Parent When . . .
1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.
2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.
3. You can’t watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.
4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.
5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.
6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child’s “real” parents.
7. You have ever been “pregnant” with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.(2 years!)
8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.
9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.
10. You believe God’s heart is for adoption.
11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.
12. You know what the word “Dossier” means, and you can actually pronounce it!
13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.
14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.-Author unknown
1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.
2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.
3. You can’t watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.
4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.
5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.
6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child’s “real” parents.
7. You have ever been “pregnant” with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.(2 years!)
8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.
9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.
10. You believe God’s heart is for adoption.
11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.
12. You know what the word “Dossier” means, and you can actually pronounce it!
13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.
14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.-Author unknown
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