Spring Break

We took our spring break from school last week. It was so nice to just relax, do some spring cleaning, and enjoy being outside.

Here are some photos. The first are of Rachel in some new girly pajamas that my aunt sent to her. She loves them!

“Move, Didi(little brother)! This is my photo shoot!”

Being silly!

Rachel LOVES to help me in the kitchen. Here she is kneading some bread.

One of the biggest changes in our household since the addition of Rachel has been the amount of arguing. I guess I just took for granted how well the boys all got along. They would play for hours together without a single argument. Of course, they do argue from time to time like all siblings do. Now I feel like I’m running interference much of the day. It became most clear last week when we were not having school.

Here is a rare moment when all four are playing together WITHOUT ARGUING.

I love this photo of Titus!

Rachel getting good and dirty!

Caleb in the sand

Eli’s dirty hands

Another realization that has taken a while to come is that Rachel cannot handle everything that Titus can. I try so hard to treat them the same since they are so close in age. But emotionally Rachel is much younger, so she is not able to handle everything that Titus can. For example, Titus can walk beside me in the store without grabbing things, crying for things, and running away. But Rachel cannot do that yet, so I put her in the buggy like I did with the boys when they were younger. It’s rather confusing since she is older (by one month). But it has been nice realizing that it’s okay to set different boundaries for them since they are such different ages emotionally.

Two funny stories I meant to write last week but was without internet.

A few weeks ago on a warm afternoon Caleb and Titus wanted to have a water balloon/water gun fight. They put on swimsuits, and, of course, Rachel wanted to join them. So I put on her swimsuit also. They played awhile and had lots of fun. Then the boys decided to change into dry clothes. Well, I guess Rachel was tired of her wet suit also. But instead of going inside to change into dry clothes, she just took her swimsuit off and continued playing outside until Caleb came and told me.

Then last week Titus and Rachel t00k a bubble bath in our whirlpool tub. At the end of the bath they were still covered with bubbles after draining the water out, so Tommy put them in the shower to rinse them off. This was Rachel’s first time in our shower. She immediately pointed to the drain, said, “Potty!” and squatted while Tommy is yelling, “NO! NO! NO!” I guess it reminded her of a Chinese squatty potty.

Bubble bath photos

A World at War

I receive daily e-mails from Ransomed Heart. I so love their message because it is refreshingly different from so much of what I was taught in church most of my life. And it explains the whole “why bad things happen” dilemma in a way that actually makes sense. Here’s the reading for today titled “You Must Fight For Your Life.

Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days, we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God’s intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it. Worse, we will begin to accept some really awful things about God. That four-year-old little girl being molested by her daddy— that is “God’s will ”? That ugly divorce that tore your family apart—God wanted that to happen too? And that plane crash that took the lives of so many—that was ordained by God?

Most people get stuck at some point because God appears to have abandoned them. He is not coming through. Speaking about her life with a mixture of disappointment and cynicism, a young woman recently said to me, “God is rather silent right now.” Yes, it’s been awful. I don’t discount that for a moment. She is unloved; she is unemployed; she is under a lot. But her attitude strikes me as deeply naive, on the level of someone caught in a cross fire who asks, rather shocked and with a sense of betrayal, “God, why won’t you make them stop firing at me?” I’m sorry, but that’s not where we are right now. It’s not where we are in the Story. That day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we’ll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it’s bloody battle.

It sure explains a whole heckuva lot.

You won’t understand your life, you won’t see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here, unless you see it as battle. A war against your heart.

(Waking the Dead , 17–18)

At Home 7 Weeks

Continue prayers for sweet little YouYou. She went home from the hospital Wednesday only to be readmitted to CICU Friday with pneumonia. You can follow her progress at the link to the left.

I also want to share a link to a post by an adoptive mom. We met Rebecca and Andy on our flight to China. We ran into them several times in Guangzhou and have enjoyed keeping up with them. Rebecca is refreshingly honest in this post about struggling with not feeling the same sort of love toward her newest son as she does toward her bio kids. I encourage anyone who is considering adoption or is in the process to read this. I read so much in preparation for our adoption. But most of the reading is geared toward how the adoptive children are feeling. I wish I been prepared beforehand about how adoptive parents struggle as well.

I can hardly believe that it has been two months since we met our little spitfire. It’s kind of strange, hard days seem as if they will never end. But now suddenly we’ve been home 7 weeks! Rachel has come a long way even though we still have a way to go.

Here are a few photos from the past couple of weeks.

Rachel the day we went to the adoption clinic. I can never seem to remember to take photos during our visit.

Caleb giving Rachel a piggy-back ride

This week was rather hard. The social worker at the International Adoption Clinic told me to expect it to be two steps forward one step back. This week has been a one step back kind of week. Not so much for Rachel but for me. I really can’t say that her behavior is any worse, but she just especially got on my nerves this week. It seemed like every time I turned around she was screaming at her brothers about something or they were mad at her for pestering them. Then just her CONSTANT need for attention is maddening at times! She will repeat things over and over and over until I acknowledge her. Such as “All done” when a tv show is over. Sometimes I ignore her hoping that she will get it, that I heard her but don’t really care to acknowledge her statement. Other times I try to explain that I heard her the first time and that she doesn’t have to repeat things over and over and over. It is most aggravating when I am trying to school the boys.

Whenever I was reading to the boys the past few days, I would give her colors and paper so that she would have something to do. It seemed like she interrupted us about every 30 seconds. So we began working on teaching her that it’s time to be quiet and if she has something important to say to tap Mommy on the arm and wait. Oh, that’s the other annoying thing, she cannot wait at all. She seems to know that meaning of “wait” and will repeat it when I ask her to, but a few seconds later she’s asking me for the same thing. So glad next week is Spring Break!

Last night, Rachel, Tommy and I went out for Mexican. She kept whining for food even though she was thoroughly enjoying the chips and salsa and enjoying repeatedly pointing out to us that she was only dipping each chip one time (something we were working on). So I told her we were practicing waiting.

We are also trying to teach her the meaning of annoying, so that we can correct her when she is being annoying which is quite often. Poor child, she is learning so much all at once. But, honestly, these are things that we are trying to teach her so that we can be around her without pulling our hair out and so that others can stand being around her. Most people haven’t been around her long enough to really be bothered, but a few friends have been around enough to see her annoying side.

I am frequently reminded of my friend who shared that she felt like she was constantly disciplining/correcting one of her children more than the others. When she would call her mother in distress over spending so much time working with this child, her mother said, “You’re just making it so that the rest of us can stand to be around her.” That’s what I keep reminding myself.

I asked my adopting-older-kids online group for advice this week, and let me tell you this group has been a life saver for me. I love how everyone is so honest about how very hard it is the first few months with an older child. They just keep reassuring me that in six months, eight months, twelve months, I will have a totally different child. They also keep reassuring me that the feelings of love will come. Many share how they had to fake it for months or even the first year.

I am beginning to understand that adopting an older child is very different from adopting an infant or a very young toddler. I am sure that they are both challenging in different ways. But integrating a child who has been through so many years of difficult life, who has developed ways of coping with these difficulties, and already has many ingrained habits and personality quirks is quite a challenge. I guess it’s a trade-off for not having to do diapers again.

Monday Rachel and I finally went to have her lab work drawn at a lab 30 minutes from us that our insurance covers (long story). That was quite a traumatic experience. She began crying as soon as they took us back to draw the blood. I held her in my lap and held one arm reassuring her constantly with my face right beside her ear, while one lady held her other arm, and another lady stuck her. Even with the three of us, Rachel was bouncing up and down just enough to knock the needle out of place, so we went to arm number two. Luckily, they were able to get enough blood with the second stick.

Afterward we went to Wal-Mart for a treat since she had such a traumatic morning. She chose a Barbie with puppies. She loves puppies as long as they are not real. She’s still a little scared of our puppies. But she sometimes imitates Titus who most days pretends he’s a baby puppy who needs to snuggle up next to his mommy. Of course, she only had to change her mind about a dozen times before she settled on the Barbie. There’s always something even more delightful on the next aisle. Then for an additional treat we went to get her a “hambobo”.

I can’t remember if I shared about my trip to the doctor last week. I had a doctor’s appointment about an hour away. I took Rachel with me and took a friend to help out with her in the waiting room (always a LOOOONG wait at this doctor). Afterwards we went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. I have no idea how Rachel knew that this was a chicken place, but as soon as we pulled into the parking lot she began yelling, “No! No! Hambobo! Hambobo!” We ate chicken anyway. But I thought it was funny that she seemed to know they didn’t have hamburgers.

The boys are still doing great with Rachel. Titus had a rough couple of weeks at first. But now he just amazes me. One minute he is screaming mad at Rachel and the next he’s trying to get her to play. But with the rain today, the three youngest kids were fighting a lot. It works out great that my boys usually spend Friday night at my mom’s because by the end of the week I think they are ready for time away from Rachel. When they come home, they are able to handle her better.

I did enjoy getting to spend some time with just Rachel last night. I am enjoying her more during the rare moments that it’s just me and her. I like getting to baby her, play with her, and read books together. One of the most frustrating parts of my day is trying to find time to do the things with her that I did with my boys when they were young. (One of the things attachment experts encourage is taking children back by treating them as if they were much younger because emotionally they are.) I want to be able to do these things more, but life just feels too demanding to make time for these things as often as I would like. I just pray that God will take what I am able to offer Rachel and use it to help fill the hole in her heart.

I have begun to enjoy some of the benefits of having a girl even though Rachel is not a very girly girl. (She likes pretty clothes, but she really doesn’t like playing with dolls too much. She loves playing with her brothers’ guns and Star Wars guys. Tommy and I even think she moves like a boy.) But last week I rediscovered the joys of playing beauty shop! She LOVES to do my hair, and I LOVE for her to brush and play with my hair.

While having blood drawn this week, I promised her that we would paint her toenails like Mommy’s when we got home. So I painted her fingernails and toenails. She loved it. She shows them to me multiple times a day and keeps asking me to paint them again since she’s chewed some of the polish off of her fingernails.

Rachel after I polished her nails

Rachel after we did each other’s hair last night

In other news, (**TRUMPET BLAST**) my husband FINALLY purchased our new tv after the tree fell on our house last August and our tv/electronic equipment got wet. Tommy LOVES to shop for items like this. He spends hours and hours and days and weeks pouring over reviews, searching for the best deals, and waiting and waiting and waiting because next month they just might have come down a few bucks on the price. (Can you tell this drives me crazy?! I consider my time as valuable even though I am not paid for my work.) But I did encourage him to get the tv he really wants because we have always had old hand-me-down or discounted display models. So he has been dreaming of a really nice tv for years.

When our 50″ plasma (I think?–Tommy’s going to be really perturbed that I don’t know what we got.) arrived this week, Titus had a blast playing in the gigantic box it came in. He kept walking in and out of the box declaring what a great space rocket he could make with this box and how much fun he was going to have in it. After about ten minutes of him reveling in his wondrous box, he looked over at the tv and said, “THAT’S A BIG TV!”

Titus playing in his exciting new toy

Titus and Rachel designing their rocket

Unfortunately, we’re having some problems with the tv and are most likely going to have to send it back and get another. Of course, after waiting this long, what’s a couple more weeks.

Update

I haven’t been in blogland much lately, but I am so glad to read that YouYou’s surgery went well today. Please keep her and her family in your prayers during her recovery. They will always hold a special place in our hearts since Suhui and YouYou came home together.

I can’t remember if I shared this before. But I will share it anyway. YouYou is just such a sweet little girl and for the most part much quieter and pleasanter to be around than Rachel, especially the wild Rachel we had in China. When we were in China Caleb told Tommy, “I like YouYou better than Rachel.” Last week I was sharing this story with someone, and Caleb overheard me. He said, “I still do!” (He wasn’t dealing with his sister too well last week.)

I have shared before how great all of the boys are doing with Rachel. Titus understandably has had the hardest time, but even he has been doing much better. Last week though Caleb and Titus had had enough. All week I heard, “Get out! We don’t want you playing with us!” I know that this is somewhat normal sibling behavior, but so far we’ve been lucky. Our boys have mostly gotten along together great. So this is new for us. They both seem to be doing better with her this week.

We also had an “accident” last week. We have two battery-powered ride-on toys. But the kids fight over the favorite one, the 4-wheeler. Caleb, Rachel, and Titus were taking turns riding it last week. But Rachel wouldn’t stop when her turn was over. So Caleb and Titus stretched a rope across the yard to stop the 4-wheeler. Instead, the rope slipped and caught Rachel around the neck. She had a pretty good mark on her neck where the rope caught her.

I am still amazed at Eli’s patience. We ask him every once in a while how he’s feeling about Rachel, is she getting on his nerves. He always says, “Not really.” But today she was following him around pestering him, and he said, “Okay, now she’s starting to get on my nerves.”

We had a visit to the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham on Monday. Just Rachel and I went, and it was good for us to have some time alone together. We met with a social worker, a speech therapist, a physical therapist, and a doctor. They all said that she’s about where she’s supposed to be as far as adjusting to her new home. Rachel did start acting out to get my attention whenever some else was in the room and I was talking to them. She even started throwing things which she hasn’t done in a while. She was great when it was just the two of us in the room.

I used to be so organized. When Eli and Caleb were small we did not go anywhere without snacks, a drink, change of clothes, etc. Well, I forgot to bring any snacks with us to the doctor. After being there about 30 minutes, Rachel started crying, “I’m hungry!” This child eats pretty much all day long, and when she decides she’s hungry, she will drive us crazy asking for food every minute until we get her something. So I ran out to the car to get what was left of her Frosted Flakes she ate on the way. By the end of our two-hour visit, she melted. She was lying in the floor crying, “I’m hungry! I’m hungry!” She took off her shoes and threw them and then threw everything within arms reach. Luckily, there is a McDonald’s right across the road from the clinic, so we went straight there as soon as we left.

We usually get Rachel chicken nuggets whenever we go to McDonalds. The first time we went in China we got her a hamburger. She took it apart, tasted some of the meat, and said, “Blaaagh!” She loves chicken, so we just get her chicken. Well, when we drove up to the McDonald’s she pointed to a picture of a sausage and biscuit on the window yelling “Hambobo! Hambobo!” So she got a hamburger. She ate every bit of it and some of mine and then cried when they were gone.

I have been a little worried about Rachel’s speech because we were told that we would be amazed at how quickly she picked up English. Not so. I know that she understands some, but it has been hard to tell how much because she nods no matter what we tell her. Up until last week she only used a few phrases on her own. “Thank you.” “Wait.” “I’m sorry.” She learned that last one pretty quickly from apologizing to her brothers so often for hitting them and throwing things at them. She has always been good about repeating things we say.

At the Adoption Clinic they told me that not all children begin speaking English quickly. Some children go through a silent period where they are learning to understand English, but they do not use it yet.

She has just in the past week started saying more and more on her own. Things she says:
“Hello. How are you?” (She says this to me throughout the day copying her Ling doll that speaks phrases in Chinese and then in English.)
“Please.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah.” (We’re working on changing this one to “yes sir” and “yes ma’am”.)
“Potty.”
“Outside.”
“I’m hungry.”
“Mama tired.” (Wonder where she got that idea?)
“HuiHui tired.” (She still refers to herself as “HuiHui” although if I ask what her name is she says, “Rachel Suhui.”)

She loves playing outside. She enjoys helping me cook. She says, “HuiHui bang zhu(help) cooky.” We have recently discovered that she loves babies.

I invited a friend who was bringing us food last Friday night to come eat with us. She brought her three children, ages 5, 3, and 8 months. Rachel spent most of the evening playing with and loving on the baby.

Then yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment. There was a three-year-old little girl and a baby in the waiting room. I kept trying to get her to play with the little girl, but she spent most of the time playing with the baby. Same thing when we got together with some other friends yesterday. We got together so that Rachel could play with her three-year-old daughter, but Rachel played mostly with the baby.

I have been watching her around other children. It almost seems like she doesn’t know how to play with children her age. She loves babies,and she enjoys interacting with adults. I know that the first six months she was at the orphanage were spent in a room with mostly babies. (She was three.) It was an observation room where all of the children spend the first six months so that they can be observed for any health problems. We were told that there were no other children with her in her foster family’s home. She did go to a kindergarten in China.

Rachel cannot stand the cold. Whenever I’m getting her dressed in the morning, she cries, “Cold! Cold!” Whenever we go outside to get in the car, she says, “Cold!” and tries to go back in the house. When it snowed here Sunday, she kept crying, “Cold! Cold!” I told her that she could go inside, but she didn’t want to since the rest of us were outside playing. She finally got into the spirit of things and enjoyed the snowball fight.

Here are some photos of our rare Mississippi snow!

Titus getting ready to throw a snowball

Caleb and Rachel making snowballs

Rachel and Titus are throwing snowballs at Dad

Praying for YouYou

Above is YouYou (pronounced yo-yo) with Rachel while we were in China.

Please join us in praying  for YouYou and her family as she will have open heart surgery tomorrow.  You can click on the link to the left to read their blog regarding the surgery.

Tommy