Last night after I posted yesterday’s blog, I started thinking after crying awhile that I did not write about the good things about Penny. She was very much a people person. She loved to talk, but she was great at listening. She looked you intently in the eye and REALLY listened. She was a great laugher. She laughed often and loudly. She made me laugh more and realize my need to laugh more often instead of taking life so seriously all of the time. She was great fun to be around, one of those people who is very hard not to like. When I look back at pictures of Penny, I just remember someone so FULL OF LIFE. She seemed more full of life than most people do. She truly had that sparkle of life in her eyes. She was bubbly, just overflowing with life.
She had great compassion. She had a tender place in her heart for animals. She moved here to Mississippi with a cat and a dog. But it seems every time I talked to her she had a adopted another stray cat. She had a strong sense of justice. She was not afraid to question why things are the way they are, to question why things couldn’t be better. She had a tremendous amount of endurance for the hard things in life. I just ache when I think of all of the things she went through in her life, especially when I realize that I probably only know a small part of it all. But she endured for a long time. I know that the place she had be at in order to take her own life was a result of the bipolar disorder. My heart breaks to think of her all alone feeling like that was the only choice she had. But I know that this was not the real Penny. The real Penny is the one I know and remember.
I do not believe that God wanted Penny to take her life. But I do believe that He is just as sad as I am when He looks at all she had to go through in her life. And I believe that He is full of joy that her suffering is finally over, just as I am. I believe that Penny is finally healed and at peace and full of the life that is truly life, and that’s the way she will be forever. Hallelujah!
My husband Tommy played The Fray’s song How To Save a Life for me last night. It was inspired when the lead singer was mentoring a drug-addicted teenager. You can hear it and read the lyrics here.