I’ve been in the midst of a faith struggle lately(which is basically another way of saying I’ve been really pissed off at God). This has probably been triggered by a number of things, but the two main ones are a failed adoption we’ve recently experienced and some recurring physical struggles which have affected my ability to function at the level I would like to.
I have not wanted to really spend time praying or in the the Word for several weeks. I have had an ongoing dialogue with God alternating between begging for help/relief and questioning why life has to be so hard. And questioning whether this life I’ve chosen(following Him) is worth it.
This morning God awakened me at 5:30am with a deep desire to get up and spend time praying for a dear aunt who was to have surgery this morning. And the following is what I heard in the midst of a precious time with my Lord and my God. I was asking Him about why life FEELS so hard now even though I know we’ve ultimately won the victory.
Me: “Why does it feel like defeat so much of the time now?”
God: “Because you’re not listening to your deepest and truest heart.”
Me: “How do I do that?”
God: “By spending time with me.”
There was more, but this was the most significant for me. To read more on living from your new and good heart, you can go to Ransomed Heart. Also, John Eldredge has a new book coming out this month called Walking with God. I’ve read some excerpts, and it is REALLY GOOD.
I didn’t intend this to be an advertisement for Ransomed Heart. It’s just that their message, which I believe is the true gospel(not the screwed-up, distorted version we get most of the time), has transformed the way I live. And it helps explain some of the language in my conversation with God above.