It got quiet for a minute, it should have been a sign. The latest look in marker makeup.
Today started off with us having the morning off. We did get up and talk to folks at home on Skype. We have decided to take a break from that as it is actally making it worse for Caleb. We REALLY wish we hadn’t brought him. I know that everybody says they remember the good and it is a great experience but our little boy is miserable. He is also now sick, running a low grade fever and that on top of things makes it even harder. So, my vote is, you want your kids to go to China, send them when they are college age. Seeing the world is a great thing, but you need some perspective to really get much of what you are seeing.
Caleb and I went to the store this morning, I had promised him we would get him another remote control car, Rachel broke his first one. (Eli nad Titus, you better be placing locks on all the doors, this girl is destructive).
We got two so that we could race them around the hall of the hotel. Which we did later in the day until the batteries ran out. We also stopped to get some groceries. We passed on the chicken feet on a stick, Octopus, etc. But did get some Oreos and come of the little milks that Suhui likes so much. (somebody asked about the name. We are calling her Suhui right now we will slowly add the Rachel and then eventually drop Suhui.)
Then it was time to go siteseeing and check the notory stuff on the adoption.
Suhui wanted to hold GuhGuh’s hand at the museum.
It has been a very stressful 24 hours. Last night I had Suhui, and everything was going great till bed time. I made her stay in bed and she is so spoiled that it was awful. Today she was still not wanting to have anything to do with me. That makes it hard on me but also on Kim, because she wants her to do everything.
We didn’t really get to enjoy the museum due to being exasperated with Suhui and ready to either kill each other or just crawl into a corner and wish we were home. But that I think made us talk more and clear up some of our frustrations. I just share this because I am 100% convinced that everyone is a mess. In someway we are all a mess and maybe somebody else will not feel alone in the stress of adoption.
Tonight we all went down to eat at the Buffet in our hotel. It wasn’t that good tonight. Caleb feeling sick and then Kim had gotten Rachel some Chicken she was wanting and then after she sucked on the whole peice the way she does (it sad to watch she eats the whole thing spitting out bones after getting every bit of meat and sinue out of the joints) she spit it out intact. Kim then realized it was a CHICKEN HEAD!!!!! That will kill your appetite. Sweet little one, but she eats like a goat.
Tonight we thought we would just let Rachel go till she dropped. We told her that we were very glad she was in our family, that we would neither one ever leave her, that we loved her, that she was safe with us. She nodded yes at most of that, but didn’t think I loved her. That is so hard to see.
Later I was trying to get her to bed and she screamed and screamed and bit and punched finally was willing to laydown by herself and went to sleep.
The calm before the storm.
But now she is sweetly sleeping as is everybody else. We will have to start over tomorrow, Kim needs her to let me carry her and unfortunetly we can’t leave her unwatched in the room and certainly not anywhere else. She would literally run away in a crowd and would do who knows what in the room. She is trying so see what she can get away with and has any number of attention getting behavior that aren’t really appropriate. Either of us telling her no gets met with whining, rocking, or an all out fit. I expected withdrawn, we got the other end of the spectrum.
But for all the difficulty, I told Kim tonight thank you, because without her desire, I wouldn’t have this beautiful little girl in my life. Kim said to wait till tomorrow, I would probably be saying “this was YOUR idea!” 😉 Then we both agreed that down the road she better be something extraordinary! Now don’t tell me she already is. We know that.
Tomorrow we go pick up some laundry, check out of the hotel, visit the Yellow Crane Tower, go to Suhui’s finding spot and then to the airport. We are praying that the change of senery will bring some relief. An occasional familar face, people to talk to and a bit easier time getting around. I am hoping the plane ride will help Suhui to know we are taking her with us. We have been told it will take a very long time for that to click in her head, but I hope this will be an early milestone.
Our biggest needs right now are your prayers that we can find the right mix of her having some limits as she apparently has been living with absoluetly NONE out of fear for her heart. That we will figure out how to set those limits with her. And that we can continue to work together on setting those limits.