WOW! Rachel has been home six months today. She is such a different child from the one we met in China. Now that she has been home a while, I know her well enough to know that she gets very hyper whenever she’s anxious. Looking back at photos of the day we met her, I now think that she must have been scared to death even though she seemed to take everything in stride. One of my memories during those first few exciting moments was thinking “This child NEVER stops moving. And she NEVER stops talking either.” Now I know that she was just so very anxious. My heart breaks for this little girl who has been through so much in her short life.
The orphanage director gave us a photo album with pictures of Rachel during her time at the orphanage. Here is the earliest photo we have of her.
The past six months have been a HUGE transition for all of us. Rachel is just blossoming! My mom and others who are around her frequently have been pointing out what a different child she is now. She is still loud and pretty active, but she listens to us or Granny when we correct her and she is so much more well-behaved. She really is a delight to be around most of the time. She is very affectionate and tries so hard to please.
All that I can say is “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” to all of you BTDT parents who told me that things would be completely different in six months! You were so right!
Here are some photos taken today of Rachel modeling her new dress, jewelry, and backpack–we received a package full of clothes, purses, and jewelry from Aunt Susan yesterday. Aunt SuSu knows what a girl needs! 🙂
Isn’t she beautiful?
Several months ago I received a comment from an extremely angry person. I immediately deleted it realizing that this person had issues unrelated to me and my family. But something she said got me thinking. She said, “This is not about you.” That is true and not true at the same time. I understood that she was not happy about me being honest about the struggles of adopting.
But as I began to think about this I realized that this is about a little girl getting a home and a family and a place to belong forever. But it is more than that. It is about us getting a beautiful little girl to change us and our lives. She has/is changing who we are, everyone of us.
Our God is SO BIG and SO AMAZING that He is the best multi-tasker ever. 🙂 While He is giving Rachel a home and is slowly healing her heart from all the heartaches of her past. He is using her to change each person in our family, to stretch us and grow us in the ways that we each need. I can only share how He is working and changing in me.
I shared before that I feel called to be a mother. I have wanted to do this as long as I can remember. But as he often does, our enemy uses our passions and tries to turn them into something bad. Therefore, I have constantly struggled with relying on my own abilities as a mother because this is something I’m good at. Over the past few years Papa has used depression and other circumstances to put me flat on my back more than once to teach me that it’s not me, it’s Him.
Bringing home Rachel has brought me to an even deeper level of understanding how small and inadequate I am and to further realization that I am NOT in control no matter how many times I fool myself into thinking that I am. There have been SO MANY days that I have cried out to my papa, “I DO NOT have what this child needs. You are going to have to meet her needs.” Praying that has awakened me to the fact that ultimately I do not have what any of my children need. God is the only one who can fill their hearts. My role is to let them know that I will let them down, others will let them down, all of the other things they may try to fill themselves with will ultimately disappoint, but God, who loves them more than I ever will, is always there for them. He is the one they can always turn to. He will never disappoint.
Ultimately, it’s all about Him. He is just so cool to take us on this amazing and fun 🙂 journey closer and closer to Him in ways that bring Him glory.